Amazon Kindle Editions are now LIVE!

Posted in Uncategorized on March 20, 2019 by ApathyKiss

My author page on is now live! “Just for the Taste” has been added as a fan favorite for the Kindle, as well as a NEW book! I have officially started to publish the “Bittersweet Memories” series and Volume one is now available for purchase!

You can visit my page here:

ApathyKiss’s Amazon Author Page

Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me and waiting patiently to get my ducks in a row. And a special thank you to all the friends and fans that have purchase my books. I couldn’t do it without you all!!!

I love you, my snowflakes!

I know that it’s bad, that it’s the kind that they can’t operate on…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on June 18, 2014 by ApathyKiss

Some of the best art has risen from the ashes of a broken heart. Rock and country songs about lovers and loses that thump in your head for days on end, paintings and sketches of the desirable and unattainable fill the walls of galleries all across the world and poetry about stolen kisses and unfulfilled wishes that bring tears to your eyes even before the last stanza. These things exist as reminders that as humans our emotion control us. Our emotions are powerful creatures that live inside us and we act and create and live with this monster inside pulling our strings. 

It’s a bit scary when you think about it, but it’s true.

When the broken and bruised are healed, and the band plays on though, that’s where you see that the turmoil and desperation that leaks from your fingers has been the driving force behind the success of these millions of creations and from there, you need to figure out how t get it back without risking the heartache?

These thoughts come to life when you listen to some bands like Depeche Mode and Nine Inch Nails. Some of the most amazing bands that at the height of their careers were writing some pretty epic and crazy shit. The lyrics that came out of these destroyed men were…beyond inspiring. It was also no secret that these men were hoped up on heroin and rocking at least two other major life changes per member. The heroin wasn’t the source of their talent, though. It was the angst, the guilt, the hate of being addicted to something and being so desperate for another taste of the girl with golden eyes. 

As soon as Trent and Dave got clean, their music did too. They didn’t have the same harsh notes and desperate lyrics. It was like someone came into the room, swept all the trash and threw away all the dishes and told them to try again. Don’t get me wrong, Exciter was a great album, and I listen to all the Halos religiously in fear of facing the wrath of my NIN addicted mother, but the message in them is not the same.

When you are suffering, truly suffering, that feeling inside is something that you want to get rid of. If you have any ounce of creativity, you use that as an outlet to get it out. You write the hell out of those feelings or pound the shit out of your guitar strings or drums, and you create something to represent those emotions. That song that you wrote after your boyfriend cheated on you is as important to your healing heart as it is to throw out his t-shirt that you sleep in. And when you feel sad about him, you go back to that song and play it over and over again until your throat closes up and your fingers bleed. There…now don’t you feel better?

When you are no longer suffering, you have other emotions inside that are mostly positive. You can create art to represent that same positive feeling but you never really put your heart into it, do you? That happiness you feel, the burst of joy radiating from your smile, these are things that you don’t want to let go of. You hold them close to you like a security blanket in case the monster of suffering crawls from under your bed and your blanket of happy can save you. You write a song, a happy song, and you enjoy the song. It represents this pleasant feeling inside that warms you up like a cup of tea. But if you let it all out, you fear not being able to feel it anymore. 

These are the lackluster albums of healed rock stars. These are the desperate attempts to create something that gives you the same feeling as desperation but not truly being desperate. If you haven’t ever bawled your eyes out and felt like your heart was melting through your pores, then you have never truly created your most powerful piece. I highly recommend it. 


“Through the ashes of destruction comes the most beautiful creations.” -Nick “The Heartbreaker” Callahan ‘Perfect, Just Like Me

Novel- Publications- Intrigue

Posted in Uncategorized on April 20, 2014 by ApathyKiss

Hello, Snowlfakes..


Quick update for you-


-My first full length novel is in the works. Being prepped and almost ready to begin as we speak. Few more things to lay out before we can start but it will amazing. Not as erotic as I usually go, but if you are a fan of my writing, it will be appreciated. Promise….

-4 short stories are being edited and put together for release on smashwords which gives me the ability to publish on and and spread my work like the legs of a crack whore. It’s going to be, well, smashing. Doug Horn helped design the cover art using his photography and I must say, it’s gorgeous. I will keep you posted on the release dates of those.

-Other than that, causing and trouble and breaking hearts as usual… so watch out.


-love ak

Photo Shoot

Posted in Uncategorized on May 15, 2012 by ApathyKiss

Sunday was an amazing photo shoot for the website. So proud of my ladies and the photographer is a a mad genius. Little samples of the shoot have been coming at me from the photographer and they are mind blowing. This site will have a new face, my snowflakes.

May 2012 Erotic Salon Email

Posted in Uncategorized on April 22, 2012 by ApathyKiss

Hello Friends of the Philadelphia Cultural Salons,
Thanks to all who made April’s Salon another wonderful evening of steamy readings. The discussion at the end was most inofrmative, and enjoyed by those that stayed to listen.
May 17th next Salon – Dr. Frances will be back from her snowbird hideout. I know she will be excited to see all and share one of her stories.
May’s Press Release can be viewed at Check navigation bar – Press Release. I also blog daily (almost). Postings usually deal with newsworthy & not so newsworthy s+exual issues that include my s+x positive spin, steamy stories, and interesting events.
IMPORTANT: Format change for signing up to read. To reserve a space to read at the Salon, please add your name to the sign-up sheet posted at upstairs entrance. 15-20 names will be accepted, depending upon the program for the evening and length of pieces. Names will be collected starting at 7:30.

I am tweeting, do follow @TheEroticSalon.
Partnering and cross promoting the following events and workshops:

First Person Arts:

Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School:                                
Peek-a-Boo Burlesque Revue:

Cabaret Red Light:                                                                      
Plum Dragoness:
Monica Day:    

Please post information and reviews regarding the Erotic Literary Salon to various blog sites you visit. If you write for any blogs, please contact me and perhaps we can create an interesting article or interview you can post.

***Parking lot (123-27 South 12th St. / 1140 Sansom St.) around the corner from TIME. Offering a $5 rate for the evening (enter after 5pm). Need special coupon. Follow directions at the site and print out coupon. Must pay with credit card.                 

Save the Date: May 17th, third Tuesday. Come early for a good seat.


Susana Mayer
Founder & Host The Erotic Literary Salon                               


Two People Having Sex

Posted in Censorship, Erotic Pieces on March 6, 2012 by ApathyKiss

I received this in an email from, with whom I will be submitting my ebooks to this coming year. Interesting…

PayPal, the online payment service we use to process credit card payments, has asked Smashwords to remove fiction that contains themes of bestiality, rape and incest. They tell us they are compelled to do this to remain compliant with the rules of the banks and credit card companies. Regardless on one’s opinions about these objectionable topics, we view this attempted censorship as a bad precedent. Fiction is fantasy. It’s not real.

PayPal’s request has caused a firestorm of debate on the Internet about censorship, and what this means for the future of ebook publishing. Most people are horrified at the thought of any censorship, while others believe such content should be restricted. It’s a contentious debate.

This story, out today by TechDirt, does a good job of summarizing the timeline of events and the issues involved:

The case has even spawned a brilliant and hilarious $.99 parody ebook titled, TWO PEOPLE HAVING SEX

There’s a petition at if you wish to sign it:

A few independent privacy-rights and anti-censorship organizations have stepped in to challenge PayPal on their policies, including the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF), The American Booksellers Foundation for Free Expression (ABFFE) and the National Coalition Against Censorship (NCAC). More are likely to sign on. Here are some quick links:
The Electronic Frontier Foundation:

Our view at Smashwords: We believe it’s wrong for credit card companies, banks and other financial institutions to censor legal fiction. We believe this censorship is targeting a small subset of erotica fiction. The same censored themes are prevalent in much mainstream fiction. We believe it would be unfair to authors and readers alike for any organization to censor what writers are allowed to imagine and what readers are allowed to read. If the PayPal restrictions were taken to the extreme, many mainstream classics including Nabokov’s Lolita or Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with The Wind could technically be banned. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo with its depiction of rape could be banned. Even the Bible could fall under the net since it contains scenes of rape and incest. Although such extreme censorship is unlikely, what about moderate censorship? Therein lies the danger of censorship. Where does it stop, and where do we draw the line? It’s difficult for Smashwords or any other retailer, distributor or publisher to assume the role of moral arbiter when there’s so much grey area. We’re engaged in ongoing discussions with our counterparts at PayPal to reach an equitable solution.

If you’re interested to learn more, or learn what you can do to help fight censorship, you can read my most recent email to Smashwords authors on this topic here:

Thoughts? Pisses ME right the hell off.

Thinking of doing a story about a brother sister team that rapes dragons together. Just because they don’t want me to.

No one here gonna take my place.

Posted in opinional rants on October 22, 2011 by ApathyKiss

I have a tremendous energy brewing inside me to write, but I’m not quite sure what to do with it. It’s having the basic parts for a car, an engine and wheels and seats… but not knowing what kind of car you want to build.

The flow of creativity is like a coal mine inside me. I have the potential and the makings for a perfect diamond. I just have to work hard and dig and slave and sweat to find where it is. In the meantime, I pull the small diamonds out of me that I know are almost as pretty as the hope deeper still. Keep digging! Don’t give up! And I never do. I always work hard and harder… striving and crawling towards something else that could be written or sung or created. I never stop. And I never want to stop.

Spirituality for me, lives in the individual. If you believe that God lives inside you and gives you the everlasting light he shines down to you, than you ultimately believe in God. He is your savior and your being. Your Alpha Omega. Your Good Evil. Inside me, is a geyser of self expression. I have a continuing overflow of ideas and creative ways to express them to people. Not saying I worship myself, because if you have ever heard me talk about my own self, you will be kindly mistaken, kind sir; but I worship the wealth of expression. I love discovering new ways to push myself to do things I never normally do to talk to the world. I feed into it, and dip inside myself to find different things about myself that I could use in a story or piece of jewelry.

That is how I know I am not cut out for this world. I do these little projects and publishing’s to appease the soul inside, screaming to get out to scream.

There has got to be a better way. There has to be a larger way that I can get my insides to pour out to the world and show everyone what I have to say. I feel like I have a huge building filled with canvas but one paintbrush and a small jar of red paint. The man behind is screaming in my ear to represent myself in each part of the canvas but it’s not enough.

Makes me want to run. Run as fast and strong as a wolf through the forest and not look back until I find where I want to be.

But where I want to be is here. I love here… I love the now and the place I have carved for myself in this little area of the world. I need to expand it and bring more to the minds of the few I have touched. It’s technology. I know, Ryan. It’s killing everyone. No matter how hard to try to pull away from it, it sucks you back in and licks the wounds you never knew you had. It’s a dangerous creature and to be dependent on your computer or cell phone is a deadly place that we are all guilty of. I’m addicted to my phone and I adore my website. If I had neither? I would be in a much different place right now. I wouldn’t have the means or mind to function properly and would most likely be stuck at a dead end job in the mall that built my childhood.

But without technology, I couldn’t rant and rave to you, my precious snowflakes. And then where would we be?

Release for the Salon

Posted in Erotic Literary Salon, Erotic Pieces on October 4, 2011 by ApathyKiss

This is the email that was sent to the patrons on the Erotic Literary Salon email list. It has many delicious treats to offer…

Hello Friends of the Philadelphia Cultural Salons,

Writing from hot, humid, sometimes sunny Florida. Escorted our very own Frances (resident nonagenarian) to her snowbird haven, and now spending a few weeks with my son. Still at work, just a different location.

I shall return just in time to host our next Salon, and a great one it will be. In celebration of Halloween, our very own gifted writer – Apathykiss will be reading an erotic horror themed, s+xy story.

***Reminder, I strongly encourage you to sign-up in advance to read, the list is filling quickly. Please check your timing at home by reading aloud prior to presenting at the Salon. email to reserve a spot.

Do you have an interesting s+x story to tell, a hot phone s+x dialogue, s+xy txt, poem, etc.? Even if you don’t consider yourself a writer, but think readers might enjoy your words, please submit them to the Erotic Literary Salon’s Anthology. Anyone can participate. You may send the call for submissions viral via your social network. The call for submissions can be located on the navigation bar of the Salon.

Carter/Johnson Library will be on display during the Philadelphia Leather Pride Weekend Nov 3rd – Nov 6th at the William Way Center:

The Carter/Johnson Leather Library, a non-profit 501(c)(3) (pending) organization, is a traveling collection of thousands of books, magazines, posters, art, club and event pins, newspapers, event programs and ephemera showing Leather, fetish, and S/M erotic history.

The Library includes:
Rare books dating as far back as 1701
Flagellation tracts from the 1700’s
A special section of limited editions from European and American publishers dating back to the 1800’s
Classic works of Von Sacher Masoch, De Sade, Trocchi, Rabelais, Boccaccio, and Ellis
More modern writings of F.C. Campbell, Dolcet, Reage, Prescott and Vassi
Serialized books such as Bizarre
Autographed copies from many modern writers and modern educational classics from Nazca Plains Publishing.

You will also find:
Original copies of “Bizarre Magazine,” “Erotique,” “Fantastique and Physique Pictorial” from the 1940 and 1950’s
Early editions of “London Life,” magazines of special interest such as the first article on S/M in a major publication
The “Life Magazine” showing the Chuck Arnett mural of leather men
The Arrest of Monique Von Cleef
Complete collections of “Black Leather in Color,” “The Leather Journal,” “Dungeon Master,” “Drummer,” “Cuir,” “Body Play” and many other magazines of the last five decades.

You can also relax in the library for hours watching DVDs of “The Story of O,” “The Pet,” “A Tour of the Leather Archives and Museum with Dr. Tony DeBlase,” “Kinky,” “Piercing Visions,” “Blood Sisters,” “Tattoo,” “Out of the Darkness,” “The history of the Satyrs Motorcycle Club,” event DVDs and other titles to numerous to name.

I am making an exception by using this email to promote John Franklin’s ebooks, since he has been unable to attend the Salon because of severe health issues.

CREATUS v e n t u r e s ebook publisher and distributor of John Franklin’s The Professor and the Erotic Coed series and other ebooks

The True Story about
”The Immortalization of F+ck”
Approximate word count: 12,000
Readers’ Comments: John Franklin is an author/member of and can be reached via the Kindle Smut discussion group and his bio page.
ebook edition: $3.00 available as downloads in Amazon Kindle and B&N Nook formats. This series was written and formatted specifically for eBook distribution.

Several events I would like to promote.

First Person Arts: First Person Festival of memoir and documentary art, Nov. 10-20. Theater, storytelling, documentary film, workshops, author readings, and more- all inspired by real life experience.

Stripped Stories – November 18 and 19, 10pm, at the Painted Bride:
“It’s like sharing your deepest secrets in front of a room full of your best friends.”
– Margot Leitman

Moth Grandslam champions Margot Leitman and Giulia Rozzi put a new spin on “intimate” storytelling with a night of s+x-themed stories, games and live music. A monthly hit at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in NYC and LA, Stripped Stories combines “intentionally and deliciously awkward moments” (Out Magazine) with an array of “jaw-dropping tales” (Playgirl Magazine).

Popular First Person Arts artists, former phone s+x operator and storyteller Kent Dwyer and writer Liz Spikol, tell their own tantalizing tales. The incomparable cabaret performer Johnny Showcase serenades the audience with his unique style of sensual soul tunes in a solo set. Be prepared– the audience gets into the act too with a special version of the classic party game Never Have I Ever.

Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School: check website for future events

Peek-a-Boo Burlesque Revue: check website for future events

Cabaret Red Light: check website for future events

Extended – Act II Playhouse in Ambler:, “Sylvia,” A love triangle between a man, his wife…and his dog! All about unconditional love. I attended preview and it was fabulous, if you enjoy theatre do not miss this one. September 6 – October 9.

Please post information and reviews regarding the Erotic Literary Salon to various blog sites you visit. If you write for any blogs, please contact me and perhaps we can create an interesting article or interview you can post.

October’s Press Release can be viewed at Check navigation bar – Live Salon Info.

***Parking lot (123-27 South 12th St. / 1140 Sansom St.) around the corner from TIME. Offering a $5 rate for the evening (enter after 5pm). Need special coupon. Follow directions at the site and print out coupon. Must pay with credit card.

Please remember, I blog almost daily. Postings usually deal with newsworthy & not so newsworthy s+xual issues that include my s+x-positive spin.

Save the date: October 18th.

Come early for a good seat.


Susana Mayer
Founder & Host The Erotic Literary Salon

Erotic Literary Salon

Posted in Erotic Literary Salon, What's new? on October 3, 2011 by ApathyKiss

Mark your calendars, my snowflakes!!!!

October 18th ApathyKiss is the featured author for the Erotic Literary Salon at the Bohemian Absinthe Lounge in Philadelphia!!

Come out to hear me read to you- a ghost story with an erotic twist!!! It’s going to be fun!

Hope to see you there!

It’s like a drug.

Posted in Erotic Pieces, old treasures on September 22, 2011 by ApathyKiss

I found this piece on my old Livejournal. Now, for the younger kids, Livejournal was the blogging site you met people on before there was Myspace and Facebook. I had many pages there but my ApathyKiss page was where I went to write dreams, poetry, and the rambling poems that were void of punctuation I would spew out at random. This particular piece was a favorite of mine that I edited and would love to share with you beautiful people.

I took a sip. Subtle at first, not much bite but the aftertaste made me crave more. It’s delicious.

When the glass was taken from me I pouted the best little girl face you could imagine creating. I could almost smell the bubble gum and dirt.

Twice it was taken, and twice returned.

When the glass returned the second time, it was a bigger glass, and the liquid had been changed. It’s been a while since the fine wine, and now with the first sip, the flavor had changed. The taste haunted me and the lingering drops were intoxicating. I took a few more sips and cradled the glass as I would a fragile animal.

When the glass was taken away, I tried not to notice, I tried to act like nothing happened. I tried to pretend I didn’t care. But inside my body was ripping apart for another sip. Just a drop, to lick the inside of the cup, anything. Don’t do this to me. You created the thirst and then denied me the pleasure of my drink!

The glass comes back after much pain and sorrow of the loss. It was handed to me with a smirk by the waiter and he sauntered away to assist other customers. He knew what I was in for. The glass now has wear and tear but it only added to it’s charm. Funny, I never noticed the details of the cup before, only the contents. The goblet was clear and I could see right through it. I could see into the eyes of the person across the room, that’s how clear the glass was. But the stem of the goblet was a masterpiece all in it’s self. It’s beautiful. Vines wrap dangerously around the glass and seductively cling to every dip and curve. The end of the vine snaked out and like a tongue, curled from the edge of the base. I could see the wine inside and I felt my mouth water at its existence. My heart beat quickened and my palms began to sweat. I thanked God I was alone at the table, for anyone here would surely think me mad for the exquisite pleasure a few sips of good wine will give to me.

I took the first sip and closed my eyes. It felt like home. It had the same flavor, the same texture, the same aftertaste. But now it had a bite. And the bite threw me back, bringing my eyes open in a flash and tears springing to the corners. The waiter approached with the same devious grin, “Why are you crying, milady? Is the wine not to your liking?” I responded that the wine was perfect, thanked him, and sent him away. I took my glass and held it delicately in my shaking fingers. I needed to be alone. I walked to the open terrace doors and swung them open with my foot, I couldn’t let go of the cup. My hair streamed behind me and the wind tossed my long dress all around my body but I didn’t care. I don’t care. My eyes were wild and I stared into the cup deeply, as if it was telling me something. I took another sip, taking more into my mouth than I could swallow, but I needed more. I was greedy and needed more to fulfill the thirst.

Each sip was something different. In this one, I let the liquid rest on my tongue and I closed my eyes. The meadow came to life under the night sky and I could smell each individual flower. Each flower that was created with precision and care, I could smell the nectar that it held. I let some wine fall down my throat and with my greedy heart the entire gulp went down. The burning of the strain in my throat brought tears to my eyes once more and a frost to my meadow. All the plants were dead. The fog rolled in and I felt like I would never breathe again. The tears were rolling down my cheeks and I panted for breath. I wanted to scratch at my throat and call out for help, open the terrace doors that slammed shut behind me, but… the wine. The wine was my priority now. I couldn’t desert it. Now that I’ve found this flavor, I couldn’t let anyone take it from me again.

I quickly began drinking the glass, trying to push the gulp through my system and draining the cup of all contents but it never ended. No matter how much I drank, there was always one sip left. “Do you mock me?” I said out loud to no one. “Do you mock me with your ambrosia? This damnation has taken away any dignity and spirit I have and you choose to let me keep begging and indulging?”

I’ll never break free of the glass. I’ll never break free from the wine. I’ll never get my meadow back.

I stared at the goblet I gripped in my fingers. My knuckles were white from my grip and blood was dripping from my hand. The serpent vine had sliced through my palm. Blood too? You want my blood?

I’m tired. I’m intoxicated. I’m bleeding. I’m crying.

Taking the goblet in the other hand, I tossed it over my shoulder and walked to the terrace doors. I waited for the smash. I waited for the breaking of glass, but when I turned my head, I saw it resting calming on the terrace wall. Well. Fine.

I strolled in and took my seat. Everyone was looking at me, I could feel it. Everyone was asking who I was and why my hand was bleeding. The waiter came to my assistance and cleaned my hand, then asked if I wanted anything.

“Yes. A drink.”