apathykiss

I have a tremendous energy brewing inside me to write, but I’m not quite sure what to do with it. It’s having the basic parts for a car, an engine and wheels and seats… but not knowing what kind of car you want to build.

The flow of creativity is like a coal mine inside me. I have the potential and the makings for a perfect diamond. I just have to work hard and dig and slave and sweat to find where it is. In the meantime, I pull the small diamonds out of me that I know are almost as pretty as the hope deeper still. Keep digging! Don’t give up! And I never do. I always work hard and harder… striving and crawling towards something else that could be written or sung or created. I never stop. And I never want to stop.

Spirituality for me, lives in the individual. If you believe that God lives inside you and gives you the everlasting light he shines down to you, than you ultimately believe in God. He is your savior and your being. Your Alpha Omega. Your Good Evil. Inside me, is a geyser of self expression. I have a continuing overflow of ideas and creative ways to express them to people. Not saying I worship myself, because if you have ever heard me talk about my own self, you will be kindly mistaken, kind sir; but I worship the wealth of expression. I love discovering new ways to push myself to do things I never normally do to talk to the world. I feed into it, and dip inside myself to find different things about myself that I could use in a story or piece of jewelry.

That is how I know I am not cut out for this world. I do these little projects and publishing’s to appease the soul inside, screaming to get out to scream.

There has got to be a better way. There has to be a larger way that I can get my insides to pour out to the world and show everyone what I have to say. I feel like I have a huge building filled with canvas but one paintbrush and a small jar of red paint. The man behind is screaming in my ear to represent myself in each part of the canvas but it’s not enough.

Makes me want to run. Run as fast and strong as a wolf through the forest and not look back until I find where I want to be.

But where I want to be is here. I love here… I love the now and the place I have carved for myself in this little area of the world. I need to expand it and bring more to the minds of the few I have touched. It’s technology. I know, Ryan. It’s killing everyone. No matter how hard to try to pull away from it, it sucks you back in and licks the wounds you never knew you had. It’s a dangerous creature and to be dependent on your computer or cell phone is a deadly place that we are all guilty of. I’m addicted to my phone and I adore my website. If I had neither? I would be in a much different place right now. I wouldn’t have the means or mind to function properly and would most likely be stuck at a dead end job in the mall that built my childhood.

But without technology, I couldn’t rant and rave to you, my precious snowflakes. And then where would we be?

This entry was posted on October 22, 2011 at 5:55 pm and is filed under opinional rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.