Archive for the opinional rants Category

No one here gonna take my place.

Posted in opinional rants on October 22, 2011 by ApathyKiss

I have a tremendous energy brewing inside me to write, but I’m not quite sure what to do with it. It’s having the basic parts for a car, an engine and wheels and seats… but not knowing what kind of car you want to build.

The flow of creativity is like a coal mine inside me. I have the potential and the makings for a perfect diamond. I just have to work hard and dig and slave and sweat to find where it is. In the meantime, I pull the small diamonds out of me that I know are almost as pretty as the hope deeper still. Keep digging! Don’t give up! And I never do. I always work hard and harder… striving and crawling towards something else that could be written or sung or created. I never stop. And I never want to stop.

Spirituality for me, lives in the individual. If you believe that God lives inside you and gives you the everlasting light he shines down to you, than you ultimately believe in God. He is your savior and your being. Your Alpha Omega. Your Good Evil. Inside me, is a geyser of self expression. I have a continuing overflow of ideas and creative ways to express them to people. Not saying I worship myself, because if you have ever heard me talk about my own self, you will be kindly mistaken, kind sir; but I worship the wealth of expression. I love discovering new ways to push myself to do things I never normally do to talk to the world. I feed into it, and dip inside myself to find different things about myself that I could use in a story or piece of jewelry.

That is how I know I am not cut out for this world. I do these little projects and publishing’s to appease the soul inside, screaming to get out to scream.

There has got to be a better way. There has to be a larger way that I can get my insides to pour out to the world and show everyone what I have to say. I feel like I have a huge building filled with canvas but one paintbrush and a small jar of red paint. The man behind is screaming in my ear to represent myself in each part of the canvas but it’s not enough.

Makes me want to run. Run as fast and strong as a wolf through the forest and not look back until I find where I want to be.

But where I want to be is here. I love here… I love the now and the place I have carved for myself in this little area of the world. I need to expand it and bring more to the minds of the few I have touched. It’s technology. I know, Ryan. It’s killing everyone. No matter how hard to try to pull away from it, it sucks you back in and licks the wounds you never knew you had. It’s a dangerous creature and to be dependent on your computer or cell phone is a deadly place that we are all guilty of. I’m addicted to my phone and I adore my website. If I had neither? I would be in a much different place right now. I wouldn’t have the means or mind to function properly and would most likely be stuck at a dead end job in the mall that built my childhood.

But without technology, I couldn’t rant and rave to you, my precious snowflakes. And then where would we be?

Try to figure it out..

Posted in opinional rants on August 12, 2011 by ApathyKiss

I have been writing for over ten years. Most of that time has been erotica and short romance stories. I use different descriptions and ways to describe emotions that are really just my own interpretations of the moments I can relate to. The reason why I choose to write erotica is because when you have sex with someone, it’s very psychologically stimulating as well as physically. And erotica let’s me talk more about that part of the act as apposed to just the dirty deeds. Even though I include them all. 😉

As far as the mind is concerned, the emotions that you feel when you are with someone, whether you love them or not, are insanely intense. The anticipation of the first move, the impatience of wanting his hand to touch you, the thrill of getting what you want when you want it, or the thrill of being denied what you are hungering for. Seeing those emotions swimming in the other person’s eyes when you are in the middle of the act is such a mind fuck. You know there are thoughts and wishes and mental caresses going on in that mind, and you wish you knew what they were thinking. It’s that desire that finally takes you over the edge where you explode into a million fragments that burst… to be rejoined at the moment when your mouth pours out the cry of release.

You don’t need toys or whips or chains all the time. You just need that mental connection. And having a large cock helps too.

She will eat you alive.

Posted in Erotic Literary Salon, Erotic Pieces, opinional rants on July 21, 2011 by ApathyKiss

As Many of my fans know, I am a huge music nerd. I have even been called a musical elitist. And I accept that. Movies like “High Fidelity” and “Empire Records” have been written about people like me working in a record store and giving people dirty looks for not knowing that bands like “Ours” and “Loudermilk” actually exist and that there is more to metal and hardcore than what you find on the wall in Hot Topic next to the Justin Bieber cd’s and the neon bracelets. People like me who you walk up to and say, “I don’t know who sings this song but it’s a guy and he says, ‘I just want to love you’ and I think it was on the radio. Do you have that?” and I can walk up to the section and find the cd for you. Being a music elitist, I have a huge wealth of musical nonsense in my head that I use at every opportunity.

Most of my writing is influenced by music. Which brings us to the feature presentation.

Maynard James Keenan is more than just Tool. He is also countless other projects and bands, one I love and worship called “Pucifer” is especially amazing in my critical eyes. The first song I heard from them was on the Underworld soundtrack called “Rev 22:20” and it blew my mind. It was dark and simple, seductive and deep. Some of the lyrics would make you close your eyes and take a step back to rethink the idea of Jesus martyring his mother to ride to hell between those thighs. It was incredible. I include this song on every playlist I make and on every list I write.

I began writing an erotic piece using some of the lyrics from the song and it turned into a dark and controversial piece that I absolutely adore. I wrote this piece to be read at the monthly Erotic Literary Salon this month but as I was writing it, it was done from the male’s perspective. And while I have no problems with gender bending and switching places, this piece would have sounded a little odd coming from a female. That was just the way I wrote it. Luckily, I had a man that was itching to read and when presented with the opportunity, he did an incredible job and read it better than I ever could.






Rev 22:20

Don’t be aroused by my confession unless you don’t give a good God Damn about redemption. I’m not looking to be saved, and if you are listening, neither are you. Jesus has risen, it’s no surprise. Even he would martyr his Mama to ride to hell between those thighs. The sexy devil seduces us all, and I’m not sure I can resist this time. ‘Cause nobody ever survives. Prayin’ to stay in her arms just until I can die a little bit longer. Saviors and saints, devils and heathens alike- She’ll eat you alive.


Seduced and slammed without enough time to catch my breath, she has me right where she wants me and there is no turning back. The warmth of her breath is like steam on my face, leaking from her seductive grin when she takes me in hand and asks me just how bad I want her. I can’t deny the velvet steel she has in her grip. Dark tipped fingers lace through my hair, as a sound unfamiliar to me escapes from my lips, she pulls my head down, burying my face in her soft chest. Cloth is discarded like melted ice in a fire, no longer a trace on her soft skin. My mouth opens, tongue falling out and laving a long wet line from the valley of her dolls to the cavern of her clavicle.


The steamstress shivered. She actually trembled at my kiss. Bringing the devil herself to a state of mind-crumbling pleasure will give me a satisfaction I never thought possible. Her body presses close to mine and I feel the heat of her desire seep through my skin. I have to have her. And if I have to sin to have her I’m going to lie, lie lie…


Legs wrap around me like poisoned vines and I am held captive in her embrace. Like a snake, the devil slithers down my body, her venomous lips leaving a trail of honey on my skin. Where her hot mouth mets flesh, it is scorched with her kisses. Breath meets the throbbing skin of my hard cock and before I could even plead for her to continue, weep for her to taste me, cry for her mouth to engulf me, she laughs. What is she, what is she, what is she waiting for?


Her touch is both innocent and evil. I don’t know how she did it, but I am crying inside for her kiss. My skin is shivering even though I am burning up. I need her like you need to be woken from a nightmare. Break me and hate me but please, fucking take me. I open sore and wet eyes to look down and am treated with the most amazing sight. The princess of pain on her knees before me, watching my every move. Fingernails are digging into the backs of my thighs; I’m sure there will be bruises and blood behind them.


I’ll sell my soul to be back in her bosom. Gladly. Now please suck me dry.


The feeling of her mouth around me is overwhelming. I won’t hold back the groan of torturous delight. It escapes me and feels so amazing that I do it again. Rewarded with a twist of the fist. She pulls me into the depth of the dark cavern of her mouth. Little sparks of rapture start to pop inside my head as smoke starts to curl out of my ears. What… was I saying again?


So steady now, close and I’m ready to blow. I burn for my steamstress. I ache and writhe under her machinations. Before she can bring me to the sacred end, she releases me and steps back.


An offering. Arms wide and body bare, she is giving herself to me. What fool would deny the devil herself? With a cocky grin, I step forward.


Her mouth tastes sweet and smoky, rich and full. She is a dark delight that trembles my taste buds. Taking her in my arms, I have her open and on her back in a moment, preparing to enter the hottest place on her body. A slice through my cock. Fire flows up to my stomach and I think I am engulfed in flames. She has me, the sneaky siren. Inside, her muscles hold me tight surrounded by molten lava. It is such a wonderful torture; I don’t know how to yell- in pain or pleasure. Set the ember rhythm.


The pressure is building at the base of my spine. My pulse has been rising, my temples are pounding. The pressure is so overwhelming and building.

Every sin that I have ever possessed, every desire that I ever craved,  every time that I defied my maker, builds up to this one last moment.  And my soul has been sold. Giving into temptation and following those who trespassed against us has never felt so amazing.


“He who testifies to these things says, ‘Yes, I am coming soon.’”

– Revelations 22:20




On a side note, one of my grown up jobs that doesn’t include writing dirty thoughts and dangerous deeds is working with a local concert promoter. And one of the perks is hanging out backstage at shows. I had the dizzying pleasure to meet members of this band and to tell them how they influenced this piece and how I appreciated their music. So thank you Matt and Jeff!!! Hopefully you enjoy reading the piece as much I enjoyed writing it and listening to a sexy male voice read it to a crowd of listeners.



-Love AK





Beauty in Tragedy.

Posted in opinional rants on June 23, 2011 by ApathyKiss

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The term “beauty” is such a desperately distracting word. The Merriam-Webster definition of beauty is “the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.” Nowadays people are preoccupied with being one of the beautiful people but who is to say what true beauty is? I can find true pleasure in something that another one might find repulsive or ugly. For me, beauty is not a standard. It is an opinion.

Chocolate stimulates my senses in just about all ways. I have a feeling a lot of women will agree with me on this.

The sight of a piece of chocolate makes me smile with anticipation of being able to eat it. When I open the wrapper, the sounds of the paper or foil will make my mouth water and my tongue escape to lick my lips. The scent of chocolate will give me cause to close my eyes and sigh, a comforting scent that reminds me of cookies baking in the oven or smores by a campfire. It triggers memories inside that I forget until the tendrils of scent reach my nose. Then the taste. Each piece of chocolate is different but they all have the same qualities of richness and flavor. Savoring each bite of my candy and making it last is difficult when I want to devour the whole thing, but I wait and take a bite softly, letting it rest on my tongue. I wait for it to melt before sliding down my throat. And don’t forget to lick the melted chocolate from your fingertips. One last taste before the confection is a memory.

So, technically… chocolate is beautiful. Now, to someone who is allergic to chocolate, the senses won’t feel the same and so they won’t experience the same joy in the beauty of piece of candy that I do.

But the same can be said about a man. A man I find beautiful might not appeal to you or your friends. Someone with a scar, for example, might not reach your beauty standards, but me? I find scars sexy. I feel that someone with a scar has a story to tell and a battle to be proud of. But only certain men stimulate our senses.

The sight of a sexy man walking towards you will make you smile and something low in your body curl. The feel of his arms wrapping around you will bring an army of goosebumps to your skin and make you arch your body closer to his. The scent of his cologne fills your lungs when you take a deep breath and reminds you of dark corners and tangled sheets from the last encounters you had with him, bringing memories to surface of long nights spent in his arms. The taste of his lips as you kiss them delicately, opening your mouth a little bit to let the tip of your tongue trace his bottom lip, will hit you like a drug making you dizzy and cling to him. Hearing his moan begin deep in his throat, makes delicate places on your body tingle and tremble with the want of his hands touching you. When your name escapes his lips and hits your ears… heaven.

Now THAT is fucking beauty.